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ROSSELSON, Leon


We sell everything

I woke up this morning when a ring at the bell split my dreams

The man at the door wore a smile so wide

I thought his face would fall apart at the seams

He jigged "Good morning it's your lucky day

Because I've come to help you make the grade

I'm your friend I'm your neighbor I'm your good companion

I'm the leader of a wig crusade

I've got straight wigs, curly wigs, gay wigs and girly wigs

Live-a-little buy a devil-daring one

Blue wigs, red wigs, very-good-in-bed wigs

Everyone who's anyone is wearing one..."

I said "No thank you I've nowhere to put them

And I've got all the hair that I need"

He said "Don't worry son we've got a product on the market

That will make your hair fall out, guaranteed


We've got:

cough drops, cricket bats, iron lungs, knicknacks

wooden legs, wedding rings, we sell everything

slug killers, killer slugs, road drills, ear plugs

time bombs, tombstones, merchant banks and garden gnomes

toothpaste, defoliants, genital deodorants

strychnine, gasoline, benzene, polythene...


He said, "the products we are marketing will transform you

Into someone of quality and style

You'll be the number-one attraction

And everyone will envy your mysterious superior smile

'Cause we're making you a very special offer of tomorrow

In delicate pastel shades

Have a jar of instant happiness, a bottleful of glamor,

An amazing value dream that never fades

We've got tubes of tranquility, boxes of virility

Packets of the simple life that used to be

Eternal youth at bargain price, a one-way trip to Paradise

Or why not buy a giant pack of Purity

Here's a free gift sample of the art of gracious living

There's nothing that we can't provide

And what it all adds up to is super satisfaction

Though we hope you won't be satisfied


Because we've got:

fruit machines, magazines, baked beans, submarines

handcuffs, face creams, pep pills and private dreams

synthetic fibres, tranquilizers, inorganic fertilizers

canned beer, barbed wire, dividends at five points higher

Mars bars, fast cars, Jesus Christ as Superstars

life insurance, cigarettes, package tours and Sabre jets...


Well I said I really didn't think I had the urge to purchase

And in any case my cash was running low

His eyes beamed out a warning and his smile got kind of stormy

And he said "There's just one thing you ought to know

It's people like you who are letting down the country

When our democratic freedoms are at stake

'Cause if you don't buy the wheels will start to falter

And after that it's on with the brake

Then confidence will be destroyed and millions will be unemployed

And anarchy will ....?.... harmony

So tell me, sir, do you prefer to be a lousy saboteur

Or help to boost that national economy?

Because production only rises and investments only boom

When the demand stimulates the supply

Then everyone will prosper so I hope it's very plain

That it's your patriotic duty to buy...


cough drops, cricket bats, iron lungs, knicknacks

wooden legs, wedding rings, we sell everything

slug killers, killer slugs, road drills, ear plugs

time bombs, tombstones, merchant banks and garden gnomes

toothpaste, defoliants, genital deodorants

strychnine, gasoline, benzene, polythene...


fruit machines, magazines, baked beans, submarines

handcuffs, face creams, pep pills and private dreams

synthetic fibres, tranquilizers, inorganic fertilizers

canned beer, barbed wire, dividends at five points higher

Mars bars, fast cars, Jesus Christ as Superstars

life insurance, cigarettes, package tours and Sabre jets...

An the new supersonic fractional orbital bombardment system

That annihilates everything that moves

Within a range of 7.528 light years...