COWARD, Noël

Blithe Spirit

…...
Ruth Condomine : I gather you got some sort of plan behind all this? I'm not quite a fool.

Charles Condomine : Ruth, Elvira is here! She's standing a few yards away from you!

Ruth Condomine : Yes, dear, I can see her distinctly - under the piano with a zebra!

Charles Condomine : But, Ruth...

Ruth Condomine : I'm not going to stay here arguing any longer.

…..
Violet Bradman : Can you foretell the future?

Madame Arcati: Certainly not. I disapprove of fortune-tellers most strongly.

Violet Bradman : Oh, really - why?

Madame Arcati : Too much guesswork and fake mixed up with it - even when the gift is genuine - and it only very occasionally is - you can't count on it.

Ruth Condomine : Why not?

Madame Arcati: Time again. Time is the reef upon which all our frail mystic ships are wrecked.

Ruth Condomine : You mean because it has never yet been proved that the past and the present and the future are not one and the same thing?

Madame Arcati: I long ago came to the conclusion that nothing has ever been definitely proved about anything.

…..


Hay Fever

Act III

…..
Jackie ( dragging back): I couldn’t—please don’t ask me to. I simply couldn’t.

Simon: Leave her alone if she doesn’t want to.

Sorel (irritably): What’s the use of playing at all, if people won’t do it properly?

Judith: It’s so simple.

Sandy: It’s awfully difficult if you haven’t done it before.

Simon: Go on to the next one.

Sorel (firmly): Unless everyone’s in it we won’t play at all.

Simon: Now don’t lose your temper.

Sorel: Lose my temper! I like that! No one’s given me the slightest indication of what the word is—you all argue and squabble——

David: Talk, talk, talk! Everybody talks too much.

Judith: It’s so surprising to me when people won’t play up. After all——

Jackie ( with spirit): It’s a hateful game, anyhow, and I don’t want to play it again ever.

Sorel: You haven’t played it at all yet.

Simon: Don’t be rude, Sorel.

Sorel: Really, Simon, the way you go on is infuriating!

Simon: It’s always the way; whenever Sorel goes out she gets quarrelsome.

Sorel: Quarrelsome!

Simon: Don’t worry, Jackie; you needn’t do anything you don’t want to.

Judith: I think, for the future, we’d better confine our efforts to social conversation and not attempt anything in the least intelligent.

Simon: How can you be so unkind, Mother?

Judith (sharply) : Don’t speak to me like that.

Jackie: It’s all my fault—I know I’m awfully silly, but it embarrasses me so terribly doing anything in front of people.

Sorel (with acidity): I should think the word was, “winsomely.”

Simon: You must have been listening outside the door then.

Sorel: Not at all—Miss Coryton gave it away.

…..


Still Life
.....
SCENE I
Laura ( obviously in pain ):
I’m afraid not — o hi
( Alec rises from his table emd comes over .)
Alec: Can I help you?
Laura: Oh, no, please — it’s only something in my eye.
Myrtle: Try pulling down your eyelid as far as it’ll go.
Alber t: And then blowing your nose.
Alc: Please let me look. I happen to be a doctor.

Laura: It’s very kind of you.
Alec: Turn round to the light, please — now — look up — now look down — can see it. Keep still
( He twists up the corner of bis handkerchief and rapidly operates with it.)
There
Laura ( blinking) : Oh, dear — what a relief— it was agonising.
Alec : It looks like a bit of grit.
Laura: It was when the express went through — thank you very much indeed

Ale: Not at all.
.....


Private Lives
.....
ELYOT : Turn it off. It's driving me mad.
AMANDA : You're far too temperamental. Try to control yourself.
ELYOT : Turn it off.
AMANDA : I won't. [ ELYOT rushes at the gramophone. AMANDA tries to ward him off. They struggle silently for a moment, then the needle screeches across the record ] There now, you've ruined the record. [ She takes it off and scrutinizes it. ]
ELYOT : Good job, too.
AMANDA : Disagreeable pig.
ELYOT [ suddenly stricken with remorse ]: Amanda darling, Sollocks.
AMANDA [ furiously ]: Sollocks yourself.
[ She breaks the record over his head. ]
ELYOT [ staggering ] : You spiteful little beast.
[ He slaps her face. She screams loudly and hurls herself sobbing with rage on to the sofa, with her face buried in the cushions. ]
AMANDA [ wailing ] : Oh, oh, oh-
ELYOT : I'm sorry, I didn't mean it -- I'm sorry, darling, I swear I didn't mean it.
AMANDA : Go away, go away, I hate you.
[ ELYOT kneels on the sofa and tries to pull her round to look at him. ]
ELYOT : Amanda -- listen -- listen --
AMANDA [turning suddenly, and fetching him a welt across the face ]:
Listen indeed; I'm sick and tired of listening to you, you damned sadistic bully.
ELYOT [with great grandeur ]: Thank you. [ He stalks towards the door , in stately silence . AMANDA throws a cushion at him, which misses him and knocks down a lamp and a vase on the side table.

ELYOT ( laughs falsely ] A pretty display I must say.
AMANDA [ wildly ]: Stop laughing like that.
ELYOT [ continuing ]: Very amusing indeed.
AMANDA [losing control ]: Stop--stop--stop-- [She rushes at him, he grabs her hands and they sway about the room, until he manages to twist her round by the arms so that she f aces him, closely, quivering with fury ]— I hate you--do you hear? You're conceited, and overbearing, and utterly impossible!
ELYOT [ shouting her down ]: You're a vile-tempered, loose-living; wicked little beast, and I never want to see you again so long as I live.
[ He flings her away from him, she staggers, and falls against a chair. They stand gasping at one another in silence for a moment. ]
AMANDA [ very quietly ]: This is the end, do you understand? The end, finally and forever.
[ She goes to the door, which opens on to the landing, and wrenches it open. He rushes after her and clutches her wrist. ]
ELYOT : You're not going like this.
AMANDA : Oh, yes I am.
ELYOT : You're not.
AMANDA : I am; let go of me -- [ He pulls her away from the door, and once more they struggle. This time a standard lamp crashes to the ground.
AMANDA , breathlessly, as they fight ] You're a cruel fiend, and I hate and loathe you; thank God I've realized in time what you're really like; marry you again, never, never, never... I'd rather die in torment
ELYOT [ at the same time ]; Shut up; shut up. I wouldn't marry you again if you came crawling to me on your bended knees, you're a mean, evil- minded, little vampire -- I hope to God I never set eyes on you again as long as I live
[ At this point in the proceedings they trip over a piece of carpet, and fall on to the floor, rolling over and over in paroxysms of rage. VICTOR and SIBYL enter quietly, through the open door, and stand staring at them in horror. Finally AMANDA breaks free and half gets Up, ELYOT grabs her leg, and she falls against a table, knocking it completely over. ]
AMANDA [ screaming ]: Beast; brute; swine; cad; beast; beast; brute; devil
[ She rushes back at ELYOT who is just rising to his feet, and gives him a stinging blow, which knocks him over again. She rushes blindly off Left, and slams the door, at the same moment that he jumps up and rushes off Right, also slamming the door. VICTOR and SIBYL advance apprehensively into the room, and sink on to the sofa ]

…..