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Call centre

This poem is an automated response system.

To activate it, please slowly speak your name.

I'm sorry but your personality has not been recognised.

Please wait while I transfer you to one of our inoperatives.

Your call is extremely important to us.

Please take a moment to enjoy the silence.

As a valued customer, we'd like to offer you

a special offer open only to new customers.

We are experiencing an unusual volume.

Please keep your voice down.

You now have three options: death from boredom,

death from apoplexy, death by suicide.

Thank you. Your complaint has been referred to our

satisfaction unit

where it will be answered with due coarseness